I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
