Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what day is it and did you see me today?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
