they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
