i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
