It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
