Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
