Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
