the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
