Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
