My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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