be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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