You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize