My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
