better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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