ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
