Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
