420 ftw
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
