Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize