Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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