why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
