I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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