So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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