why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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