I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I believe in your delicious
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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