Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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