You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
