I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
