i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
