Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
