i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
