I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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