If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
