i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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