How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
