I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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