@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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