Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
