after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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