Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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