My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
