I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
