So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
