Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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