went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
