what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
