I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
