are you so shy because you have an std?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
