She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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