3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
