i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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