well you can't waste a boner
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
