And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
