It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
