why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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