just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
