Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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