thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
