he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
