what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
