Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
