I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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