from now on my penis is your penis
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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