haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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