Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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