I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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