A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
