She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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