Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
