return my video game
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
