Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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