I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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