But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Randomize
