It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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