Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
