Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
