I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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