Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
