Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
