Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
